JOURNEY

I have been wandering for quite sometime now, I am yearning for some place i dont know where. There is always that void and feeling of emptiness within me. I am always tracing back my steps hoping to find out where the problem begun. I had always lived a simple life, but grew up filled with love and good discipline. We were taught the value of education, self respect and hardwork. Somehow, we grew up to be a good and well rounded person. With regards to relation towards others, i have always been liked by friends, and acquaintance, they said i always have that genuine smile that encourages them to talk and sometimes share their concern.
Yes, i always try to give time to listen to others and gave my honest opinion if needed. I would not sugarcoat my words just to please anybody. And i also expect others to do the same. Education and careerwise, i couldnt say i am brilliant but i am an achiever on my own term. I finished all levels with flying colors. However, during my university years I somehow get lost along the way, I wanted to annoy my benefactor-my elder sister for interfering in my socalled dream so I did everything she doesnt want only to realize that I am at the loosing end.
My mistake was irreversible, it had always haunted me especially during job application with private firms. She knew I felt sorry but too proud to apologize, so she never say anything except this word of wisdom: 'always take responsibility of your actions, everything that you do will have an impact in your life'.
Those words served as my reminder until now. I am still lucky despite of my failure, I was able to secure a good job in one of the departments of the highest office of our country, the office of the president. That was the most exciting point of the journey i was threading, i was able to see both sides of the coin so to speak, that is working with the disadvantage member of the society and the government people. Rubbing elbows with the big guys, i realized that they are no different after all, and they should not be treated special, they are there to work for the interest of the disadvantaged. However, common people always look at them with awe and treated them with royalty everytime these big guys are around.
I never liked that, it is just so annoying. To have learned in theory that public office is a public trust, we are here to serve and all those things that only remained in the books and walls is a big dissappointment for an idealistic youth like me, I wanted to know where did all that good principles the authors, Sicat and Villegas talked about. But as i stayed longer i realized that those were just in the books and what i am doing during that time was the real thing, to make legal justifications for the wrong actions. It made me angry to do such and i didnt want my fresh mind, and clean ideas be corrupted with the system, so no matter how good the pay and incentive, I resigned from that office.

I have children i need to earn, so i tried to work with the Local Government Unit in my hometown, the situation laid before my eyes is worst than that where I came from, what mattered there in securing a position is not because of what you know and what you can do, but whom do you know, if your parent or immediate family is working in the LGU, as sure as the sun will rise in the east everyday, you are assured of the position. Those who are good but knew nobody, will have to wait if there will be position available. That LGU became a family corporation in the guise of a public office, everyone is related with each other.
I cant stand it so i left as well.


I realized that each one will use his/her condition to its maximum advantage to advance their interest. The poor are not all the time at the disadvantage side, they know how to play their card, while on the otherhand the politicians dances to the tune to build their image.


I dont know if the problem is with me for being too idealistic but i just cant find myself as one of them.
Until now i still have many questions left unanswered, i still dont know where destiny is going to take me or when i am going to get home, to know what i am looking for, but one thing is sure i will not step on others nor allow others to step on me as i continue this journey.